


is it okay if i call you mine, from here on out? (as if i could ever stop)

by bellamybb



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: ;), F/M, Fluff, I'm Sorry, Octavia and Gabriel play a smalllll role, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Relationship(s), abt life and feelings, also, also it gets a bit domestic at the end, bc bed sharing, blarke just talking after clarke wakes up, i do wanna say that bell talks abt drinking a lot on the ring, i really just needed a huge confession scene, it's going to be borderline illegal, past Becho, which is what you're going to get!, you would not imagine how much fluff there is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-19
Updated: 2019-07-19
Packaged: 2020-07-08 22:10:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19876885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellamybb/pseuds/bellamybb
Summary: Set after 6x10, Bellamy and Clarke decide to talk about life, feelings, and where they go from here.





	is it okay if i call you mine, from here on out? (as if i could ever stop)

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, I haven't written fic in ages and I've never really been good at it tbh. Just decent, like maybe half-decent. So you've been warned.
> 
> I really would love it if y'all would comment with compliments or constructive criticism! I promise I won't be mad! 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this mess of fluff 
> 
> xoxo kath
> 
> p.s. - the title is from a dave matthews song, "here on out" and just like every dave song - it fits blarke perfectly :)

It was the first time in days that Gabriel let Clarke leave the tent. It had been a while since she spoke to anyone besides him and it was driving her up the wall. He was nice to talk to, very kind and extremely intelligent, he almost reminded Clarke of Raven in a way, too, but none of that mattered as Clarke became more restless. 

When Gabriel finally gave her the go ahead to test out her strength, he walked her back and forth across the small room, telling her to pace herself since there wasn’t a race. Clarke could only roll her eyes and smirk. 

There were faint whispers from outside the cabin, but too far for Clarke to decipher, “Who’s here? Do you have a family?” 

Gabriel face stayed stiff like a stone, “No, uh- that would be Octavia and Bellamy out there. They haven’t stopped talking in hours.” 

Clarke smiled at the thought of them actually  _ talking _ , but what happened that made them decide to?

After a few more paces Gabriel reminded Clarke where the shower and her washed clothes were at, “You can finally take hospital clothes, yours are on the counter in the back room. There’s a small shower.” He began to fiddle at his counter with a few syringes, cleaning up the mess from Clarke’s last dose of pain medicine, “I’ll leave you to it then.” And he left the cabin with a turn on his heel and a hand waving back at Clarke. 

* * *

The last time she remembered using a real shower was over a hundred years ago in Becca’s pristine mansion and this one was  _ shabby _ , to say the least. But, it was running water and Clarke was thankful for that. 

The room was small with nothing in it except the small shower area and a broken mirror hanging on the wall above a makeshift sink. If anything, Gabriel was an innovator. Her face was scattered throughout the pieces of glass in front of her, but she could still make out the visible scars that were strewn about her skin. But she didn’t want to look any longer, because all it did was remind her of pain and she couldn’t handle that. Not right now.

She undressed from the gown and slipped under the stream of flowing warm water which sent shivers down her body as it kissed her skin. Her hair was knotted and horribly greasy thanks to the wobbly legs that didn’t allow her to walk for days. As she searched the small cabinet that Gabriel hung under the shower head, she found a small bottle of unlabeled purple liquid. It looked like it could be soap, had the consistency, and she had to admit - it smelled a lot like honeysuckle. So she decided to take her chances.

She toweled off her body and then her hair, scanning the room for a brush but opting for her fingers instead when one was to no avail. Her hair was much darker from the water, and the sleekness made Clarke feel  _ wrong _ , almost alien-like. She didn’t feel like she looked like herself, again. So she took her hands and fluffed the hair on the sides of her head and part it down the middle. Not quite regular Clarke, but when it dried she’d be okay. 

She broke out into a tiny sweat, embarrassed and almost a tad ashamed,  _ was she supposed to feel this violated? And how long was this going to last?  _

She shook her head to clear the thoughts and left the room with a slam of the door.

* * *

Her legs seemed to stiffen up as she walked through the cabin toward the front door since her medicine was probably wearing off. But she made it to the door and passed through the curtain to find the camp swept up in a dim twilight glow. Her eyes darted to the brightest thing she could see, a fire roaring high into the air and two silhouettes blocking a small area of light.

She instantly recognizes him from the shape of his head with a nest of curls atop it: Bellamy. He had propped himself on a log, neck caressing the bark, with his legs outstretched and boots off. He looked  _ relaxed _ , which Clarke almost couldn’t conceive. Surprisingly, Octavia was seated next to him with her head leaning on his shoulder and she felt a sense of calm spark in her chest at the sight of them. 

Clarke’s wobbly legs made it more difficult to walk outside on the uneven terrain, causing her knees to feel like jelly no matter how light she applied pressure. But she hobbled down the steps and began walking leisurely toward the light and her friends. 

Clarke stopped halfway there and pushed herself up against a tree, taking a break to catch her breath and to give them more time to sit together. She didn’t want to intrude, but her boot crunched a branch. She rolled her eyes as she re-positioned herself, gripping the decaying bark to no avail, leaving with handfuls of dust and moss.

It wasn’t until she heard her name being called that she snapped back to reality and used the tree to guide herself to the voice. It was Octavia, turned around from the fire, calling out to her. But before Clarke could even gauge an answer, Bellamy was at her side helping her to stand straight. 

Bellamy spoke under his breath, “Why are you out of bed? Gabriel said you needed to rest,” the concern in his voice had Clarke smiling to herself.

But she just rolled her eyes and grabbed onto his sleeve, “I needed fresh air. Besides, he’s the one who let me out.”

Bellamy’s hand nonchalantly met Clarke’s on his forearm as she pulled herself into him to walk. She could’ve sworn it took ten minutes to cross fifteen feet, but Bellamy didn’t seem to mind. 

He helped lower Clarke to the ground, making her sit up straight with her back against the log and a space open between her and Octavia. She hadn’t really looked at her since she had woken up and Clarke had to admit, something was  _ different _ about her. Octavia glanced over at her, a small smirk spread across her face causing Clarke to think she must still be in her mindscape, but she smiled back nonetheless. 

As Bellamy tended to the fire, Clarke tried to make herself at home on the ground - moving her butt back farther and crossing her legs as best she could. She truly felt like she had broken every bone in her body. 

“Do you need anything? I’m sure Gabriel has medicine,” Octavia asked as she broke the wall of silence, “I could get you some water, too.” 

Clarke studied her face for a moment, Octavia genuinely seemed to care and for a second Clarke thought maybe she, too, was body snatched. But before Clarke could reply, Bellamy answered Octavia as he walked back from the wood pile, “Yeah, O, could you get her some water?” 

Octavia jumped up rapidly and she almost gave Clarke whiplash, she somehow seemed like that little girl she met at the dropship again. 

“Strange, isn’t it?” Bellamy blurted out as he sat down next to Clarke, “She’s been like this all week. Hasn’t left my side, and hasn’t stopped talking either.” He smiled to himself as he glanced at the flames growing larger in front of him.

“Better than her ignoring you, isn’t it?” Clarke replied, “Did you two talk, finally?” She felt she might have overstepped, dove into someone else’s business, but Bellamy smiled at her and shifted his body to sit at an angle. 

“We talked for hours. I- uh, didn’t know a lot of what happened in the bunker,” he sighed and looked down as the grass in front of him, pulling out some pieces as he thought about what else to say, “We decided that what happened, happened and we can’t change it. She knows I’ll never accept or forgive what she did as Bloodreina, but this new Octavia seems to want to  **redeem** herself. So, I’m giving her a shot,” he looked back up with tears pricking his eyes, “Plus, I missed my sister, Clarke.”

Clarke pursed her lips and shook her head, “I know,” she replied and grabbed Bellamy’s shaky hand, “But, she’s here now.” 

She wanted to say a million things to Bellamy anything to comfort and assure him that it was okay, “I know you two have been through a lot, Bellamy. And I know the pain and violence she used on you wasn’t right, but if you’re ready to move on, then you need to.” Her thumb began to caress small circle onto Bellamy’s calloused palm. 

He nodded his head and softly tried to sniffle, the tears suddenly fell down his cheeks leaving slick lines like rain on a dusty window sill. He pulled his palms to his eyes and pressed, hoping to stop the flow from growing any bigger. 

He hadn’t let out any noise, just sat there with his palms pressed and a shallow, rocky breathe escaping from his lips. She knew he just wanted to be comforted, to be shown some sort of love that wasn’t asking for anything else. 

Clarke’s small hand moved from her lap to his back almost like a reflex, and soon she found herself trying to soothe her friend that was falling apart in front of her, “It’s okay, Bellamy. Just breathe.” 

A few moments of silence passed between the two of them and the fire crackled on as Octavia jogged over toward them with an exasperated look on her face. Clarke patted his back to warn him, so he wiped his eyes and turned his head back toward the fire, hoping Octavia didn’t see anything.

“Sorry it took me a minute. Gabriel was trying to explain something about the medicine. He doesn’t have any left, so we’re going to get a few different plants from his fields. Will you be okay for a little while?”

Clarke nodded as Octavia raced back to the motorcycle Gabriel left running for her and took off into the woods after the sound of his engine’s echoes. 

She turned her head back toward Bellamy and stared for just an instant at his matured face that was illuminated by the fire. It danced across his skin and she blushed at the sight of how beautiful he looked. Glad he was unable to see. 

* * *

“I don’t think I’ve sat still this long since we landed here,” Clarke blurted out as Bellamy looked onward, still sitting next to her physically but mentally he was on a different plane. 

Her hand found his back again and this time she felt herself pulling him down to her level while gently tapping her thigh to motion where to go, and, with no objection from the other, she placed his head on her lap.

As Bellamy stretched out, he placed his hand on her calf and subconsciously found himself grazing his fingers over her jeans. Clarke’s leg began to feel like jelly again, but this time for a different reason which made her smile to herself. 

_ She felt at peace.  _

“I just want you to know I’m grateful for all you’ve done for me these past few weeks,” Clarke found herself wanting to dive right into a new conversation, “I know it must have been rough leaving your family at Sanctum.” 

He rolled onto his back, now facing Clarke as his head lay in her lap, “You’re my family, too.” And Clarke beamed at the thought.

Her hand somehow found his black, coarse curls, and she began to stroke his hair as she decided to change the subject, “There were countless nights Madi and I would sit under the stars, her head in my lap as I braided her hair,” Clarke divulged, “That’s when I would tell her stories about you guys.” 

Bellamy didn’t know how to reply, his mind was coursing with thoughts as he watched Clarke inspect the dark sky, her head finally leaning back onto the log. 

“Clarke,” his voice was low and almost broken, “I’m sorry I couldn’t save you then,” he confessed as his eyes began to well again, “I wish I could’ve stayed with you.”

Clarke cleared her thoughts as she tilted her head to look down at the man in front of her, “I wish you could’ve, too. You don’t know how many shooting stars I wished on -” but she cut herself off and shifted her head back upward. 

Her hand was still lost in his hair, fumbling over knots, “I just wanted to be with you,” she confessed absentmindedly, “But I never would have found Madi if I had, so I count myself lucky.”

He closed his eyes as she spoke, and when she stopped he realized it was his turn now, “The first few months were rough. I went -” he cleared his throat, “through a lot.”

His eyes were still closed and Clarke found it to be the perfect time to study his face again, to see how he changed over the years. She hadn’t been this close to him in centuries. His freckles were still sprinkled about, but a chunk was covered by his beard, and his eyes seemed to have more wrinkles surrounding them. 

“I thought without you, Clarke, I couldn’t live,” he admitted to himself and to the woman cradling his head.“I couldn’t let you down though, so I used my head,” his eyes slowly began to open and Clarke realized she was caught so she half-smiled as he continued. 

“I didn’t know what to do with my feelings though, I just threw them in a box and refused to open it ever again. Because I really,” he was blinking back tears at this point when Clarke placed her free hand on his face to wipe away the stream that began to form again.

He couldn’t bring himself to say the next line. He could think it for years, say it to himself every night as a reminder, but he couldn’t say it out loud. 

Clarke just stroked his cheek with her thumb and nodded her head, understanding where his story was going. 

He reached his hand up to grab Clarke’s from his cheek, and he held it there for a few minutes, almost to soak in the feeling of her truly being there with him. And then he lurched forward, off her lap so that he could sit next to her. 

He grabbed Clarke’s hand from her lap, “I need to tell you something,” he spoke so quietly she had to lean into his voice, but the aforementioned made her heart drop to her stomach. Her pulse felt weak and she was genuinely scared at this moment, because  _ what was he about to say?  _

“I need you to know that I loved you, Clarke. I don’t know when it happened, or when I admitted it to myself, but I would have done anything for you..” he took a deep breath and let it escape through his nose. 

“Even when we were at the dropship,” he finished his thought with a grin as he reminisced about those days from long ago. But Clarke couldn’t find herself the nerve to smile because mind was racing back and forth, it was flight or fight as Bellamy interlocked their fingers.

“I had never loved someone like I loved you. You changed me, made me a better person, made me realize  _ my _ worth. I would have outran a million more death-waves if it meant I could have stayed on Earth with you,” his confession caused Clarke’s eyes to swell with tears as her heart started to pound in her head.

“When I realized that we were going to be on the ring together, Clarke, I imagined a future with you. I painted our story into my mind. I just had to tell you first, and I was going to - as soon as we made it. But you -” he choked up and let out a sigh, “You never did.” 

Clarke sensed her body ache at the thought of the agony he went through,  _ he didn’t deserve to deal with this pain.  _ She pulled her hand away from Bellamy’s and placed her palm delicately on his cheek, “I’m sorry for what you had to deal with,” she replied. 

His hand met hers again on his face and he held it there again before dropping it to his lap to intertwine with his again. He gave a small squeeze almost to ask for permission and Clarke squeezed back to assure him it was okay. A small grin swept and disappeared off her face in half a second, Bellamy was actually  _ nervous _ to hold her hand. 

His eyes were finally dry after a few moments of silence and he knew he could continue without getting tripped up again. “When I saw you again, that day with Diyoza, that box of emotions exploded. Every moment I ever had with you, every laugh, every cry, every hug, came flooding back into my mind. But,” Bellamy stopped, and Clarke knew why.

“It was lonely in space, Clarke. I know it was worse here, but not having you with me made me feel like the other half of my soul was gone. I went looking for something to fill that void,” he cleared his throat. 

“Jaha had more than enough to drink in his office when I stumbled upon it a few weeks after we got there. I took a bottle out, brought it to dinner that night, and we actually had  _ fun _ . And I realized, I could forget about you as I washed down drink after drink.” Clarke almost couldn’t believe the confession, a wave of guilt hit her hard at the thought of him doing this because she wasn’t there. If she had just run a little faster, jumped off that tower a little quicker, maybe he never would have touched the bottles.

“After a few weeks I decided to keep the rest of the collection to myself, and no one seemed to notice. So I drank for the first three years, hoping to feel nothing when everyone else was asleep, or not paying attention. No one knew about it until Echo found me one night, crying in your cell with bloody knuckles from punching the walls,” he admitted, “I know it was childish, but I needed to get my anger out. She never told anyone and I knew I could trust her,” he continued.

“Echo became the person I needed, she knew my feelings for you, and held me whenever I needed her to. She - she loved me,” Bellamy blurted out and it made Clarke feel  _ wrong _ . She knew she shouldn’t feel jealousy at this time, but she couldn’t help herself. 

“And a part of me loved her, too. But another part of me knew I could never get over you, and Echo knew that, too.” His shaky voice and trembling hands just made Clarke weep harder, no sound escaping her body, just tears plunging from her eyes. 

Bellamy shifted his body so he was next to Clarke, touching shoulders, and reached an arm over her side. His rough fingers tickled her skin as he stroked her arm up and down, trying to comfort her. Clarke reached back over his lap and placed her palm up asking for his hand to come back to hers.

He clasped their hands together as Clarke leaned her head down onto his shoulder and sniffled, “When everyone found out you were alive Echo cornered me, hounded me like a mother to make sure I was okay, but she knew I was putting up a front for her. So she came to me the night before we left Earth again, and confessed that her feelings for me weren’t what  _ I _ needed. I almost couldn’t believe that she cared more for my feelings than hers,” he confessed as he stroked his thumb back and forth over Clarke’s arm.

“She knew I loved her, but she knew I loved you even more. And the thing that made me the most happy was that Echo wasn’t bitter, because she accepted it so long ago. Part of me thinks it wasn’t fair to be with her, but I think we both helped each other when we needed it. And a part of me will always care for her.” 

Clarke couldn’t register what she had heard.  _ Had Echo really broke things off between them?  _ Her mind raced with guilt as she thought of Echo sacrificing her love for someone else. 

Bellamy coughed and sniffled as he continued his story, “Our first night in Sanctum, she came to talk to me, again. She said it wouldn’t be fair to either of us if we kept this up and in that moment, I was  _ never  _ more grateful for her. We didn’t feel the need to avoid each other, either, we still were a family. And when she told me to come save you, I knew Echo cared for you as much as she did for me. It felt like such a relief to me, and I’m sure to her.” 

Clarke just sat there staring at the flickering flames as they slowly died down. Her mind didn’t know what to say, shock was still coursing through her veins, and if she did speak it wouldn’t have made any sense to Bellamy. So she sat there and squeezed his hand while burrowing her head a little further into the crook of his neck.

“I don’t know how you feel, Clarke. I’ve always sensed something, but -” he stopped himself, and continued on, “But I need you to know that I loved you then, all those years ago, and I still love you. And seeing you- almost die, again, it broke my heart. I need you and I couldn’t lose you before I got to tell you how I felt, it couldn’t happen again.”

Clarke began to sob as she stretched her free arm around Bellamy’s abdomen and pressed her upper body into his side. His arms wrapped arm her as best they could and squeezed as he placed his head on hers and placed a small kiss atop her honeysuckle waves.

When she finally spoke it was a whisper so soft that Bellamy could barely hear it himself, “I’m in-love with you, Bellamy. I-I” she choked on her sobs, “I have loved you this whole time, through everything.” 

He just sat there holding her and stroking the waves of blonde as Clarke just repeated over and over again, “I love you, so much, Bellamy,” in between her whimpers.

When her wails slowed down and faded away, Bellamy moved his hand from her back to grab the hair that had fallen in her eyes. She had fallen asleep from the exhaustion she no doubt felt all night. 

He couldn’t help but admire how beautiful she looked right now, in his arms, under the stars. 

He slowly leaned forward which caused Clarke to stir in his arms “How long was I out for?” she questioned before her eyes even opened all the way.

“Only a few minutes, but it was okay. It didn’t bother me.” Bellamy assured her as she peeled herself off his chest and back onto the forest floor. 

“You should head back to your tent and try to sleep. We can talk more-” But Clarke cut him off before he could finish his sentence.

“We don’t need to talk more, Bellamy. We love each other. That’s all there is to it. It’s been so simple this whole time, but we’ve been too thick headed to realize it.” She half-smiled and it felt like butterflies flew into his chest, making him chuckle as he pursed his lips into a grin. 

“I don’t know if I need to ask you, or if it’s just assumed- but Bellamy, do you want to-” his hearty laugh made her stop short and giggle, “No, let me finish!”

But he silenced her with a wave of his hand, “Yes, whatever you’re going to say, Clarke. Yes.” 

She knew he was being serious but she couldn’t help but crack another joke to make him laugh, “All I was going to ask was if you would walk me back to the cabin so I don’t fall over, no need to be so overly dramatic.” 

The words seemed foreign to her and felt like a little of Josie’s humor stayed around her mind, which might be for the better.

* * *

Bellamy pulled open the cabin curtain and ushered for Clarke to walk inside, and she blushed as she did so but it was too dark for him to notice, again. 

It was like an icebox inside and Bellamy knew he needed to light a fire to heat the place up, “Where is your bed at?” he inquired.

“It’s down the hall third opening on the right,” she replied and Bellamy grabbed Clarke’s hand, “Come on,” he uttered quietly.

They made their way into the room Clarke was given by Gabriel and Bellamy was happy to see there was a small fireplace in the corner of the room just asking to be lit. “I’ll go ahead and start it up,” he motioned toward the relic. 

Clarke kicked off her boots and collapsed onto the bed, yanking the blanket up and over her body. She situated her pillows and tucked the covers between her legs as she lay on her side to face Bellamy. 

When she finally saw the sparks burst into flames across her walls she called out for Bellamy before he turned around, “Hey -” she whispered.

He turned around with his hands on his hips and walked toward the bed with a nervousness about him, “I- Can I- can I stay with you?” he finally articulated.

Clarke’s eyes swept across Bellamy’s strained face, “Yes, please.”

And with that, Bellamy pulled his boots off and started to tug the blanket down to reveal his spot next to Clarke, but before he could she let out a snort and giggle.

“You are not wearing that in my bed,” she hid her smile under the cover, “There’s clothes in all those draws, look for something.”

Bellamy rolled his eyes, “What’s wrong with this?” he asked as he opened the draw and pulled out long, baggy pants. They were ripped in a few spots and soft to the touch, so he kicked his jeans off and slid his frozen legs into the comfortable fabric. He lifted his black shirt over his head and pawed through another draw to find a top. Finally, he found another ripped piece of cloth which still resembled a tee-shirt, so it would have to do.

After he slipped it on he turned back toward Clarke, “Happy now?” he questioned, but there was no reply because Clarke had drifted off to sleep. He went to crawl into the spot next to her, trying so hard not to wake her up, again, but he had no luck.

Clarke’s weak, sleepy voice escaped her lips, “Thank you,” she said and placed her head on Bellamy’s chest when he finally laid down. Her arm wrapped around his waist and she found herself running her fingers up and down his side.

He craned his neck down and kissed her head as he let his arm glide around Clarke’s body and finally latch onto her shoulder in an almost hug. 

She peeked up at him through fuzzy eyelashes and smiled when he did the same, “Bellamy-” she strained her neck up so she could reach his lips. She grazed them softly with hers, “I love you,” she muttered in a low tone and closed the gap between the two of them. 

**Author's Note:**

> yep, i had to do it to 'em!
> 
> leave me some feedback please
> 
> xoxo kath


End file.
